Dennis: An ADHD parent raising an ADHD child is enough to try anyone's sanity. However, there are s lot of us out there, Most of the professionals I've talked with in the last several years say that the tendency to have ADHD is inherited, According to Dr. Bill Maier, Psychologist in Residence at Focus on the Family, "ADHD tends to run in families. Approximately one-half of parents who had ADHD have a child with the disorder. Unfortunately, many of these parents have never been formally diagnosed or treated. This can contribute to marital problems, parent.child conflict, and in some cases, violence."
Lauree and I recognized in Dusty's preschool days that he was not interested in reading or being read to. He wanted hands on types of experiences, like playing with his toy wrestlers. He enjoyed television and playacting, just like I did as a child. As a matter of fact, I saw a lot of myself in Dusty at this age.
We were both hard of hearing in the preschool years, and our vocabularies suffered as a result. Dusty had constant ear infections as a child, and his doctor told us that for the first two years of his life he was not able to hear properly. (Diane tells me that Danielle suffered from the same, and even had to be hospitalized for chronic ear infections.) Dusty and I were also similar in that we didn't catch everything that was said to us, and therefore, we "turned inward" and withdrew from others to a certain degree. We entertained ourselves.
And, as you've already read, I turned toward entertaining others as I grew older to hide my learning deficits. It was at this time, during the preschool years, that Lauree and I noticed that Dusty was not developing at the same rate as other kids his age. He seemed about two years behind them. We had already noticed the difference between him and his brother, Chad, but we didn't want to face it. We kept hoping that he would catch up. We finally made the decision to hold him back in kindergarten.
Lauree and I had Dusty tested when he was six years old by a psychologist. I broke down and cried that day when the doctor gave us an explanation of Dusty's disability because it was only then - when I was an adult - that I finally had some definition of my own experience, which was now being repeated with my son. I can't tell you what it meant to finally have an explanation for why I was the way I was and to have HOPE--for Dusty and for me--that we were really OK! We were just two people who learned a little differently from the rest of the world.
In hindsight, Lauree and I should have gotten Dusty one-on-one help as soon as he entered school, or perhaps we should have gone the home-schooling route. What Dusty needed was a classroom situation with only a couple of other kids around. They say hindsight is always 20/20, but we just didn't recognize that most school situations are not equipped to deal with kids like Dusty, and many teachers don't have the time or training to meet the needs of these kids.
It's been such an uphill struggle to do what is right for Dusty over the years. We did get him tutoring help in the middle of elementary school, and it was a good decision.
My emotions during these early years with Dusty fluctuated between guilt, anger, and depression because I knew he had inherited his problems from me. I felt so responsible. I hurt so much for the kid because I knew exactly what he was experiencing in school and that the days ahead wouldn't be any better. It was so difficult to be optimistic. I had made it, but I constantly wondered if Dusty would have the determination to overcome the challenges that would come his way. I still find myself thinking,
How will this kid ever make a living? Am I going to have to stay with him his entire life? I wonder if my own daddy thought the same thing about me when I was growing up: Will Dennis ever amount to anything?
You would think I would have a lot of patience with Dusty, but more often than not, I find myself losing it with him. Lauree is always having to intercede on his behalf, saying, 'Take it easy, Honey. He didn't mean to do it!" In a lot of ways, she is more patient with Dusty than I am.
It's a struggle for Dusty to get decent grades, so we enrolled him in Sylvan Learning Centers to help him improve his learning skills. One day, I missed a golf game in order to get him to his tutoring lesson. I admit I was a little upset about having to make that sacrifice, so I started to lecture Dusty in the car.
"Is this Sylvan place helping you, Son? It costs me money, you know! I didn't have this kind of help when I was a kid. you're one lucky dude to be getting this help, but your mommy and I are willing to make the sacrifice, even if it is costing us an arm and a leg, if it's really helping you, Boy!"
I waited a few seconds for Dusty to answer my question, but he was watching a guy on a motorcycle who was next to us at the stoplight, Dusty finally responded, "Daddy, do motorcycles have air conditioning on them?"
"THINK ABOUT IT, SON!" I yelled. I completely lost it. When we got to Sylvan, I left Dusty in the car and I went inside to calm down, I have to keep remembering how hard it was for me to process information when I was a kid and be understanding with Dusty.
Want to know what happens to Dusty at later stage? Continue to read "All About Dusty (Part 2)" at my next post. At mean time, if you want to learn how to handle ADHD kids, you can get ADHD Natural Remedy Report.
