Once you have selected a physician, we recommend that you see him first without your child present. Ask him about his experience in treating children with ADHD. Ask him about his philosophy in treating these children. Does he or she seem to be the type of doctor who can talk simply and clearly with a child? Do you understand what he is saying to you? Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions that have been nagging you, even if you feel embarrassed. It is important that you leave this first appointment feeling comfortable.
You want your child to get the best treatment possible, so get all of your questions answered. If you feel uncomfortable in the presence of the physician, your child will certainly pick up your "vibes" when it comes time for his or her first visit.
We also recommend that you prepare your child in advance for the visit with the physician. Be careful how you describe the technical term Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. That is a mouthful for any elementary-age child! Remember, your goal is not to win the drama critic's award for "Days of Our Lives." You need to be warm, natural, and encouraging in this dialogue. Empathize with little Johnny or Jenny.
Your conversation could go something like this: "I know how hard it is to listen to dull teachers and to read hard books. I went through the same thing when I was your age. It was hard for me to sit still too. I know that it bothers you that you forget what you just heard, or that you can't follow instructions. Some instructions are so complicated that Einstein wouldn't get them! You're not dumb or lazy or stupid. You just learn things a little differently. This doctor is going to try to help you concentrate so school isn't so hard. I'll be right there with you." Test for ADHD
Don't surprise your child with a visit to the doctor, or pressure or embarrass him ahead of time to force him to go. He needs enough time to adjust to the idea of going so that he can ask you questions and you can put him at ease. Most kids associate doctors with shots, crying, medicine, and all sorts of things they would like to avoid. So treat his uneasiness with care and consideration and explain exactly what will happen in the visit.
As parents, you will need to be prepared for the physician to talk to you about medication as one way of treating ADHD. Some folks are dead set against using prescription drugs to treat learning disorders; nevertheless, this will likely enter into the conversation sooner rather than later. Your child may have a problem with this as well because he has learned at school to "just say no" to drugs.
If you and your doctor decide that medication is a course of action to take, you will need to help your child understand the difference between bad drugs that harm him and good drugs that help him.
Dr. Bill Maier, Psychologist in Residence at Focus on the Family has words of caution for parents who have received misinformation about the use of medication leading to drug abuse later on for their youngsters: "The belief that treating ADHD children with stimulant medication will lead to later drug abuse is absolutely, unequivocally false. It is based on rumor, gossip, and the deliberate spreading of misinformation. In fact, children who truly have the disorder and are not properly treated have a higher likelihood of abusing drugs and alcohol as teenagers and young adults." Test for ADHD
Part of your "battle plan," after you have selected the right physician, is something that needs to be a constant in the home: ADHD kids need an inordinate amount of encouragement, encouragement, and more encouragement! Dennis maintains that for every one negative word, an ADHD individual needs about seven positive words of reinforcement.
This may be a bit of an exaggeration, but no one can deny the potency of the spoken word. Words are powerful. We can shape a child's life with them. Curt, painful remarks cut deep and can find a resting place in a young life for years.
Dennis has already related how a teacher's hurtful words a turning point for him in the third grade. Likewise, words that a parent speaks in exasperation to a child with ADHD who has frustrated them beyond the point of endurance can cause emotional scarring. And ADHD children often become experts at masking the hurt. These kids need to know without any doubt that their parents believe in them. We constantly tell Dusty and Danielle how much we love them and how special they are, because they need that verbal fuel as they tackle the educational minefield that greets them each day.
"Dusty was really struggling with Spanish last semester, so he decided not to take it this term. Why? He flunked it! Yep, a BIG F!" recalls Dennis.
"Well, in order to receive a state scholarship for any school in Louisiana, a student has to have a B average and take Spanish. Spanish is not required to get into college, but it is if you want to qualify for the state-sponsored scholarship. When Dusty got the failing grade, he was so tense. He felt like a failure. Well, I told Dusty not to worry about a college scholarship that I would see to it that he would get a college education. I told him to just concentrate on the basics - on math and English - because I loved him and believed in him. I know that he worked harder and longer than any of his friends, even though his grade was an F. He needed to hear from me that I thought of him as a success because of his effort and dedication to hard work."
It is our observation that many ADHD kids are enormous encouragers themselves if they have been the recipient of that kind of unconditional love. We have noticed this type of child readily understands the mind-set of the underdog because they've been there! They know what it is like to believe that they are "odd man out" in a classroom setting. A couple of years ago, Diane was complaining (again!) to Danielle about her college softball coach not giving her the chance to show what she could contribute to the season.
Next post, we'll find out how Diane feel about her coach and her life. At mean time, if you want to know more about handling ADHD kids, you can get Test For ADHD right away!
